And … here I am, on January 11, 2016, admitting that I’ve done none of that this year.
Even worse, I haven’t even figured out a theme or a word for 2016 yet.
Other than some rough planning in my head as to what I want to accomplish, I’ve done nothing. Nada. Zip.
It’s not that I don’t believe in goals and planning anymore. I still even believe in the studies, like that famous Harvard study, that shows that people who write down their goals are far more likely to actually accomplish them.
And, even more puzzling, writing down my goals and plans HAS worked for me. There is no question that I have gotten more things done over the years because I planned them out.
So, what gives?
Am I just procrastinating? (Answer: No.)
Am I stuck? (Answer: No.)
Am I out of integrity? (Answer: Maybe, but I don’t think so.)
What’s going on is it’s time to do things differently again. And I’m beginning at the beginning — with how I start my year off.
You see, there’s a dark side I don’t talk about much with my business. The dark side is I’m prone to overworking, depression and burning out. Sometimes the burnouts are big, taking me out for a few days or even weeks (although it’s been several years since that’s happened). Most of the time, the burnouts are small, more like mini-burn outs where I can still function and get things done, but there’s always a cost to be paid to my mental and physical health.
Now, my usual way of dealing with this is to either power though it on some level. (i.e. I can do this! It will be different this year!) Or, to do some sort of “bargaining.” (i.e. I just need to work really hard until X DATE, and then it will all be different.)
Needless to say, neither of those strategies work all that well. And, as we all know the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.
So, this year I decided it was time to try a new way of running my business and my life by embracing the Divine Feminine.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you read that and you think “well, that sounds all well and good but what the heck does that even mean?” And I’m here to tell you, I really don’t know yet. It’s all a bit of a mystery to me as well, which is why I’ve joined a year-long program to learn more about running my business and life from the Divine Feminine.
What I WILL tell you is there is a lot more emphasis on doing things based on around the moon and other natural cycles, hence why I haven’t figured everything out yet. You see, January is a month for dreaming, so rather than forcing things and trying to get everything figured out by January 1, I’m taking a step back and allowing myself to pause, receive and expand and see what comes to me. Only then, after I’ve allowed myself this time to dream, do I then put a structure around it. (By February 1, I should have some sort of structure and plan for this year.)
Now, is this new way of planning out my year making me nervous? Heck YES! I am extremely uncomfortable that I’m still sort of floating around here and letting things come to me and don’t have a clear plan to work from.
BUT, here’s the thing. I don’t feel like the way I was running my business before, where I spent nearly all of my time in my masculine energy, was all that healthy on any level. I think I was taxing my internal organs with all that driving and pushing and forcing — which is why I would crash and burn both physically and emotionally. Women aren’t built to handle being in their masculine energy all or most of the time — they can suffer from very real physical aliments like adrenal burnout when they try.
(Worse, I’m not all that convinced I was even running my business from my Divine Masculine — I have a sneaking suspicion when I got stressed, I would flip into low levels of both masculine and feminine energy, which would just exasperate the problems.)
So, I have no idea if any of this will work or, really, what exactly will happen. But, along with being nervous and uncomfortable, I’m also excited about the possibilities and seeing what is possible to create in 2016 by stepping into a whole new level of being nourished and supported. I’m excited about what it would look like to get my to-do’s done without all that struggle and angst and effort — and being able to work WITH my natural tendencies instead of constantly fighting them.
I’ll keep you posted. (And I’d love to hear from any of you if you’ve tried running your business from the Divine Feminine and what that looked like for you.)