This is one of those deep wounds that I really didn’t want to touch because it was so deep. And, quite honestly, I didn’t feel like dealing with the crap that would bubble up by touching it. Plus, it was a personal situation — it had absolutely nothing to do with business, so I really hated the idea of taking one of my weekends off to move though it.
Alas, your spiritual work doesn’t always show up when it’s convenient. Sometimes it shows up when it truly is the next thing you need to do. And I could just feel how this was what I needed to do to continue to take my business and life to the next level. (I have long stopped questioning how things are related and how working on my spiritual development has brought me more financial abundance — I realize it makes no sense on a practical level but yet, it works.)
So, a few weekends ago, I decided to face it head on and just deal with it. Feel all the horrible, yucky feelings I’ve been trying so hard not to feel. Embrace my part of the issue and how I caused it (instead of laying the blame on others and, if I may be completely honest, then feeling sorry for myself because of it). Write forgiveness letters to everyone involved (including myself). And, probably most importantly, just allowed myself to GRIEVE.
Grieve for what I had lost, for how things are not the way I want them to be, how I miss the way they were. I had been so busy blaming and feeling sorry for myself I never actually allowed myself to feel sad for what I no longer have.
And then came the hardest part to accept — that may be all I can do.
In this particular situation others are involved. And, as I slogged through my grief and, sadly, admitted to my part in the situation, I had to come to terms that others may not want the situation to change. They may be at peace, or even happy, with how things have turned out.
It was a bitter pill to swallow. But a necessary one.
Afterwards I did take very good care of myself (a long walk with my dog and then a salt water bath). And I’m hoping maybe this is enough and I’ve released enough negative energy so the healing will start. Or maybe I need to do deeper releasing. It always take awhile before I actually see and feel shifts. (I’m pretty envious of those who can feel things right away.)
But, regardless of what’s next, I took the first step. And, I’m relieved. Because no matter what else is next, I know that at the end of this I’m going to be in sooo much better place.
I’ll keep you posted. Until next time.